Beyond Black and White: The Case for Nuanced Thinking

As a therapist, seeker, and deeply inquisitive person, I’ve always been curious about how things came to be the way they are and why.

This is especially true now, in a time when we are becoming more psychologically, ideologically, politically, and culturally fragmented than ever before. What is causing this? 

Everywhere we look, we see antagonism and division deeply entrenched in our society.

“That is bad, this is good.” 

"That is wrong, this is right."

"They are stupid; we are the only ones who are correct."

Whether it’s vegan versus carnivore diets, left versus right, freedom versus conformity, or spirit versus science, we are more divided than ever.

This divide is not just external. It’s fracturing our relationships, our trust, and even our own minds.

Black and White Thinking

With so much conflict around us, addressing each one piecemeal can feel like fighting a hydra. When we cut off one head, more grow. But what if there was one common root driving all of the fragmentation?

And what if addressing it could substantially reduce the tension and conflict?

There is, and we can. The answer: black and white thinking.

Luckily, there’s a remedy to it… If we’re patient enough to develop it: nuanced thought. I'll get to that in a moment.

I first learned about black and white thinking in one of my earliest counseling classes a decade ago. Since then, this kind of thinking has unfortunately only become more widespread.

You can see it everywhere, in clickbait headlines and extreme positions:

• “Everything you thought you knew about protein is wrong.”

• “Meditation won’t fix your anxiety. Do this instead.”

• “How the left is ruining democracy”

• “Spiritual people are deluded because science can explain everything.”

And even in our personal lives:

• "I should never challenge myself, because I want to be self-compassionate instead."

• "My feelings matter, so I have to prioritize them above everything else."

• "My parents love me, so I can never acknowledge ways I may have been harmed."

• "If I set a boundary, I’m being mean."

• "If I eat one unhealthy thing, I’ve ruined my whole day."

• "I’m either successful or I’m failing."

These statements may feel definitive, emotionally charged, and righteous, but they are only partially true. They leave no room for complexity, contradiction, or evolution. This causes more problems than we may realize.

Nuanced Thinking

Here are some examples of nuanced thinking, which is more expansive, whole, and clear:

• It’s possible to feel multiple things at once

• One perspective doesn’t need to be wrong for another to also have value

• Seemingly opposing views may share deeper values beneath the surface

• Someone on the opposite side of the ideological spectrum has a valuable perspective to add, which doesn’t necessarily negate yours

• Science and spirituality can coexist

• Compassion and boundaries are not mutually exclusive

The human mind (especially the left brain) craves certainty, simplicity, and one right answer. In doing so, it misses the complexity that actually makes us whole. It misses the forest for the trees, fragmenting thought, relationships, and social structures. 

To be direct: this tendency toward binary thinking isn’t just limiting. It can be deadly. It drives polarization, justifies violence, and stunts both personal and collective growth.

This is something we must begin to notice:

• In the media we consume

• In our relationships

• And most importantly, within ourselves

The Medicine of Our Time: Embracing Nuance

Evolving past black and white thinking is not optional. It is essential if we want to move forward as individuals and as a species.

We can start by embracing both/and thinking. Some examples:

• Being compassionate with myself is important, and I need to prioritize health-promoting choices when possible

  
  

• My feelings are a valuable part of my experience, and they can be understood alongside my thoughts, values, morals, body sensations, and other people’s perspectives

  
  

• Aspects of my childhood were painful, and it’s possible to hold my suffering and my gratitude simultaneously

  
  

• I can be kind and still protect my energy with boundaries

  
  

• Something that happened to me was painful and difficult, and I can appreciate ways I have grown from it for the better

  
  

• One indulgence doesn’t erase all my other nourishing dietary choices

  
  

• I care deeply about my own values, and I can take the time to understand people who think differently from me

  
  

• I believe in evidence-based medicine, and I’m open to complementary or holistic approaches that help people heal

  
  

• I want community and connection, and I need time alone to feel like myself

How to Develop Nuanced Thinking

Nuanced thinking is a skill that everyone can develop with time, attention, and intention.

Here are some tips for spotting black and white thinking. 

• Notice Absolutes.  Look for words like always, never, everyone, no one, right, wrong, good, and bad. These are often signs that you are slipping into black and white thinking. 

  
  

• Track Emotional Charge. Black and white thinking is usually emotionally charged. If you feel reactive or rigid, ask yourself: "Is there more complexity here?" Social media, and the media in general, leverage emotional activation to grab attention. Paying attention to emotionally activating headlines is a great way to begin to track this. Try it next time you scroll.

  
  

• Watch for False Choices. A statement that forces you to pick one thing or the other is likely oversimplifying.

  
  

• Listen for Overgeneralizations. Track for sweeping conclusions like “All X are Y” or “If I don’t do this, I’m a failure.”

  
  

• Identify “Shoulds” and “Musts.” These often reflect unconscious patterns that can obscure nuance.

Here are some tips for cultivating nuanced thought.

• Ask: "What else might also be true?"  Practice curiosity instead of judgment.

  
  

• Hold Two Truths at Once.  Reflect on how opposing ideas might both contain value. Example: I’m grateful for this experience, and it was really hard.

  
  

• Get Comfortable with Uncertainty. Practice saying “I’m still making up my mind about that,” or “I’m consulting multiple sources before formulating a conclusion,” or “it’s complex,” and resist the urge to form quick conclusions.

  
  

• Seek Diverse Perspectives. Read and listen to thinkers who respectfully challenge your assumptions.

  
  

• Use Nuanced Language. Try phrases like:

  • It depends

  • In this case…

  • Both seem to have merit

  • It’s more complex than that

    
    

• Practice speaking in "both/and" sentences. For example, "I feel discouraged, and I also feel hopeful." "When you set a boundary with me, I felt disappointed, and I also respect your choices."

  
  

• Practice Mindfulness.  Meditation and present-moment awareness help you observe your thoughts instead of becoming them, making space for greater nuance.

  
  

• Try These Journal Prompts.

  • Where might I be oversimplifying?

  • What are two things that seem to be opposing, but which can both be true at once?

  • Where do I feel the need to pick a side? What merit do I see on the other side, even if I don’t fully agree with their position?

  • How might someone I respect see this differently?

The Radical Power of Nuance

Nuance invites us into a deeper relationship with ourselves, with others, and with the world. It asks us to slow down, soften our certainty, and make room for complexity. In a time of deep division, choosing nuance is a radical act of wholeness.

Nuance isn’t about indecision; it’s about wisdom. It’s a practice. And like any practice, we begin one thought, one moment, one curious pause at a time.

Developing nuanced thought is a major part of the work I do in both psychotherapy and spiritual counseling. Trying it on your own is a great start, and some people can benefit from focused attention from a professional to grow even more in this area. If you’re looking for someone who can help you hold both, I’d love to help. You can request a consultation here.